When a pea gets scammed

I will start by saying that I LOVE a good true crime podcast, a mystery, a scam, a story about a catfish. They’re gripping, eye-widening, maybe even worthy of a solid “WTF” when you hear the curveball – I’m here for the drama (when it’s someone else’s) and honestly, sometimes these podcasts make it easy to forget they’re true stories. What I didn’t expect, girlie-pops, is that one day we’d consider ourselves lucky made it out unscathed when a scam presented itself to us. 

Recently, as doulas.

A pregnancy scam. 

*pause for your eyes to widen and maybe drop a “WTF”*

Right here in our own neighborhood, a Sweet Pea doula’s friend reached out, referring her to their newly pregnant friend. They set up a free 30 minute consultation – as I’m sure a lot of you are familiar with – and once the interview began, the conversation began flowing. Birth wishes, discussing previous pregnancies, processing the news of a surprise pregnancy, THE WORKS. 30 minutes turned into 60, 60 minutes turned into 90. The call ended when it felt natural, and they parted ways excitedly.  A few days later, our Sweet Pea doula was a little shocked to open a text message confirming the great connection, but a doula was just not what she was looking for at this time – and if she changed their mind, she’d call her back. Sort of an odd “rejection” message, but as a doula, you realize you aren’t going to be hired by everyone you interview (a lesson on thick skin 😉) and move on with life. Fast forward approximately 30-35 weeks – only to find out via social media the pregnancy was. never. real.  

Are your eyes wide yet? Because MINE WERE. The point of sharing this message isn’t to shame the person or to be dramatic, but it was truly an eye opener for us. This actually HAPPENS, and not just to “someone else” on a podcast that may or may not feel like fiction.

So, let’s talk about it. How was this doula fooled? EASY – most doulas are in birth work because they lead with their hearts and want to help others. When we consult with a potential client, in most cases, we have 30 minutes to decide whether this client passes the vibe check, personalities align, if there’s a connection, and how high the odds might be of the person being a serial killer (kidding! Kind of – did I mention I love true crime?). This quite literally involves immediately opening yourself emotionally, allowing yourself to trust, and dive into a very vulnerable and intimate topic very quickly. Many times, we are hired before a woman has even had her first prenatal doctor’s appointment. The God’s honest truth: we’re trained to believe people, not question them: in the birth room, when they’re sharing signs and symptoms, and, well, even when they tell us they’re pregnant. 

Thankfully, this woman did not end up hiring our Sweet Pea doula – it is clear to us now that she did not want a “professional” in her vicinity sniffing out the untruth of the situation, but for a moment, let’s pretend she did. We can admit that most doulas aren’t in the business of birth work for the money. It can be emotionally and physically exhausting, the logistics of being on call are not easy, the many miles driven and hours spent on client meetings, births, and checking on postpartum moms and their babies – it’s not always easy on your mind or your body. The fee you pay for your doula to attend your birth is most likely used for fuel, new tires or other vehicle maintenance to continue driving to and from births, restocking doula kit supplies, perhaps a new labor tool they’ve been saving up for, continuing education courses, more comfortable shoes for the birth room… you get my point. It is HEART work, and we love doing it! All that to say, real time and money are spent by doulas helping moms achieve their birth goals, and for that to happen when there’s no real pregnancy is tough for us to wrap our minds around. 

We may never know the full story as to why this woman felt the need to fabricate a pregnancy, and we aren’t here to dwell on the “why” (we wish her clarity, peace, and happiness), but the “what” still impacted Sweet Pea. We wanted to bring awareness to other doulas to guard your hearts and trust your gut when it comes to new clients and inconsistencies that may leave you scratching your head. To potential clients, to give you a peek behind the curtain – one way we do our best to vet new clients is to inquire about your due date, provider, and birth location. We aren’t trained interrogators, nor do we want to be, but there are some things we must know to protect ourselves from being taken advantage of. 

What did Sweet Pea learn from this, you may ask? We adjusted our intake flow, communication expectations, and internal check-ins – not because we trust people less, but because we want to protect our team’s emotional bandwidth. Most clients are genuine, kind, and UNFORGETTABLE! This experience did not ruin birth work for us. If anything, it reinforced why we do what we do. It enhanced the importance of trusting your gut, protecting your energy, and using structure when it comes to onboarding new clients. 

So there you have it, folks. Sweet Pea dipped her toes into the Scam Water. We learned from it, we’re grateful the only loss was a 90 minute consult, and to be transparent, we refuse to be embarrassed, because we did what we came here to do. We believe women. We walk alongside them, we support, we advocate, we educate, and we love. 

*queue the Podcast “outro” music*